Paul The Octopus Says Spain Will Win The 2010 World Cup

Saturday, July 10, 2010

As the international tug-of-war between Germans wanting to eat him and Spaniards wanting to protect him to the death does something less than rage on, Paul the Oracle Octopus has continued with his charlatan ways and picked winners of both the third-place match and the World Cup final. Given Paul's perfect record in picking his food out of the box covered with the flag of the team that goes on to win the World Cup match, these choices have now reached gospel status. Television networks in Germany, Spain and the Netherlands interrupted their programming to broadcast their octopus overlord's decisions live on Friday. And then they waited, eager and nervous. For an octopus to eat a piece of food.

First up was the Uruguay vs. Germany third-place match. And according to Reuters, Paul is becoming a bit of a showman:

On Friday Paul first settled on top of the Germany container but after a few minutes shifted to the Uruguay container. Then after about 15 minutes he went back to Germany container, quickly opened the lid and ate the morsel of food inside.

Fifteen minutes to make a pick? Come on, Paul. Don't be like LeBron.

Picking Germany was probably a smart decision, though. Maybe it will quell the death threats and allow Paul to finally get back to a normal life. Yet, we do know that Paul didn't make his pick under duress because, well, he's an octopus and doesn't know what these people are doing to him. 

Anyway, which box would Paul select when humbly asked to make a special non-German match second selection? Who will win it all, Paul — Spain or the Netherlands? Tell us so we can bask in your tentacled glory! Spanish television personalities awaited his decision with mild interest...

Spain! Pulpo Paul is attempting to cement his bid to become the new king of Spain — the first step in his deliberate plot to seize absolute power over the entire universe — by picking them to win their first World Cup. And so it is foretold, and so it is written.

Also featured in that Reuters video report at the top is that prognosticating parakeet threat to Paul's crown, and Paul's captor speaking casually about the octopus' rapidly impending death. Assuming, of course, that Paul is like every other mortal octopus and not, in fact, the Highlander.




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